Counseling is given to women who have had a breakup. We aim to help them understand the causes of the breakup in order to succeed in reclaiming their ex.
1- Understand the break:
Although it falls on us, a break is always reflected: at the moment when a man announces to us that he wants to break, he is already at the end of his reflection. Before even knowing how to win back a little back is essential. It is therefore time to introspect and ask questions such as:
– Why do I want to get it back? Are these really valid reasons?
– How ready am I to fight to get it back?
– For what reason (s) did he leave me?
2- Do I want to get it back?
After the comprehension phase comes a second phase of reflection. This time we understood why the breakup took place. But let us ask ourselves whether the man we want to recover deserves all these efforts for him.
– Am I ready to face obstacles on the road to reconquest?
– What was wrong with the couple and why?
Who was the most unfortunate of the two, and why?
– Are we making every effort to improve the situation?
– And above all, am I ready to accept the risk of not succeeding in reconquering him despite my best efforts?
Once we have asked all these questions, we must make the decision either to give up, or to decide to fight to recover his ex.
3- I prepare the reconquest:
A- Prepare the ground:
There we will simply prepare the ground for reconquest. How? ‘Or’ What ? Following two slogans: silence and distance.
Radio silence: Radio silence is a simple and necessary method. And yet it is so complicated to hold for women! It simply means not to give any news to his ex, to act as if he no longer exists for us. This sudden absence will cause our ex questions about us and a lack, which may make him want to contact us. For us too, this period is beneficial, it allows us to take a step back on the situation and keep our heads up. It is advisable during this period to take care of the maximum (social life, career, leisure) and to take advantage of it to do things that are appreciated.
Distance: the distance must be both emotional (we do not put pressure on him with phone calls) and physical (we say no to intimacy with him). This is a moment when you have to know how to be mentally strong because this period can last for months. If after a few months, he still has not contacted us, in which case we can do it. For example by sending him a small text message the air of nothing that would make him want to contact us again. If he does not answer, it is better to wait 3 or 4 days before writing another message.
B- Prepare mentally:
There are several ways to mentally prepare for the reconquest:
– By accepting the current situation ie not being together, it will allow us to remain positive despite everything.
– By becoming physically and mentally the woman who liked him: it is also a way to find oneself.
– By opening up to others and by surrounding oneself with those who love us: this will help us to not let ourselves go to negative emotions.
– Take advantage of this free time to indulge in the activities that we like the most.
– By acknowledging our wrongs and our responsibility in the face of the break.
C- Prepare the dialogue with his ex:
A dialogue with his ex does not improvise. To avoid leaving room for chance, we have several tools, including the following:
The exercise of the 3 leaves:
The purpose of this exercise is to reconnect with what was positive in the relationship and use it to remind our ex.
On the 1st sheet: we note the qualities of our ex.
On the 2nd sheet: we note the positive things brought by the relationship.
On the third sheet: we talk about mistakes made in the past and solutions that can be made.
For each sheet, we choose 3 words. We pronounce them each time we speak with his ex.
D- How to express yourself during the dialogue with your ex?
Here is the behavior to adopt during a dialogue with his ex:
– We only talk about him and ourselves, that avoids diverting the conversation to unimportant details.
– We avoid interpreting situations in our own way.
– We agree to question ourselves.
– We show him that we understand what could justify this break.
– We recognize his wrongs and we give sincere apologies.
– We show him that we changed by keeping our cool during your conversation rather than starting a quarter turn.
4- I start the reconquest:
The reconquest is prepared and the dialogue is started, now it is time to take action … So that he may regret his past relationship with us, the dialogue must continue in a positive way. We must show him that we accept our wrongs, that we love him and that we promise him a happy future with us. How? ‘Or’ What? With the help of 3 tools for an effective dialogue.
1st tool: Self-criticism:
We will have to swallow his pride and be lucid about our past behavior, understand what may have hurt him and apologize for it.
2nd tool: The emotion:
It will be necessary to take care to pay attention to the words which one uses and to emphasize the three words (see exercise of the 3 sheets) during the dialogue.
3rd tool: The solutions:
We have to show him that even if we made mistakes, we deserve a chance to catch up and prove to him that we have changed.
The right timing of the discussion:
At first, it is necessary to listen to him and all he has to say to us during the first thirty minutes of the discussion. Then we can talk to him but the discussion should not go beyond one hour.
How to be unique?
A girl like us, he will not find another, that we are convinced. But how to show him?
– By taking initiatives: for example by offering original or fun activities when you see it or simply by varying the activities during a single appointment.
– By climbing the ladder gradually to go through the three phases.
1- The relationship: Neither friends, nor lovers, nor lovers.
2- Complicity: To go back to share pleasant moments with two. To find an intimacy.
3- Reconquest: Seduce him again by behaving differently.
How to get the message?
He does not seem to hear what we have to say to him? To do this, we can use the following three tips:
1st tip: Just repeat what we have to say to him during our various discussions by reformulating our sentences until we are sure he has grasped the message.
2nd tip: wanting to recover his ex does not mean to be at his disposal, let’s keep our pride and independence.
3rd tip: look after our appearance and show us as a woman in full bloom and good about herself. He will say to himself that if one has changed physically, it is possible that one has also changed mentally.
What attitude to adopt during the reconquest?
The reconquest should not be done relentlessly but smoothly and gradually. As the saying goes “drip, water digs the stone”.
In the same way, one has to remain oneself by modifying some aspects of one’s personality, not to change at all otherwise one does not recognize oneself any more and neither does it.
And if he does not want to talk about it?
– We must know how to keep our pride: do not harass him and do not chase after him.
– One can also use the technique seen previously during the dialogue: 1- Self-criticism 2- Emotions 3- Solutions.
– If he really does not want to speak to us, we can write him a short letter following this technique.
How to behave during appointments?
Just like conversations, an appointment can not be improvised. What counts is more our mood than the context of the appointment. Of course we can find original ideas of meeting you like a picnic, a stroll, a breakfast but the most important is the way we will appear to our ex.
During these meetings we must avoid the maximum of talking about the break (not more than 15 minutes) to really share this moment with him in the moment: showing himself in a good mood and happy to see him and in really interesting to him. It is important to keep calm and not react too emotionally to the appointment, as this could cause him to flee.
The complicity will not be reborn suddenly but gradually over the appointments.Entre rendezvous complicity can also be played through sms or photo messages nice, with moderation of course.
Step 5: Solidify your couple:
That’s it, the loved one is in your arms again! You are happy and yet, not everything is won …
We will have to progressively cross the 5 stages of the couple as if you had just met.
1- Define the right bases.
2- Have good communication.
3- Maintain complicity.
4- Share intimate moments, give each other.
5- Meet the expectations.
How to start on a good basis?
– Waiting a little before having sex with him: for that we must be sure to be in a relationship and he wants to engage.
– Learning from past mistakes not to reproduce them, while accepting to forgive and forgive oneself.
– Considering that nothing is acquired and that one must seduce the loved one permanently.
– Being satisfied with what we have rather than looking for more.
– Communicating calmly: learning to express what you feel and listen to it.
– By focusing more on the needs of his partner than we did before.
– By remaining in oneself under all circumstances and by not saying yes to everything to please him.
– By trusting each other: if we managed to win it back, we deserved it.
– By taking initiatives every day. (organize outings, give more of yourself)
The mistakes to never commit:
– Do not imagine the worst or dramatize the situation, it makes us react inappropriately and lose control of our emotions.
– We must stop thinking that we tried everything, everything tried. There is always a solution, and for that it is sometimes necessary to call on the outside to enlarge his field of vision. When we do not know where we are or where to start, it may be necessary to register for love coaching sessions, it is a good way to get over the situation.